I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
