Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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