my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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