If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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