just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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