I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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