The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
