Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
