she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
