Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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