Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
