Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
