Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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