I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
