My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize