so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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