I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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