it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
