seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
