Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
