we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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