That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
