I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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