he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
