i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
