I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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