She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
