Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
