Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
