just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
