I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
