since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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