Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
