She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
