So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
