There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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