he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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