How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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