so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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