I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
