I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
