i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
