naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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