Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
