They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
