I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize