so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
