thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
