Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
