But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
