We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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