Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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