my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
