There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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