I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
