just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
