this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
