Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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