i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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