I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
