I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
