Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
