Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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