I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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