look no pants
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
