Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
