Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
