i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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