yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.