He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
