she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
