i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito