YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
