i permit you to call me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
