plz talk dirty to me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize