As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
