i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize