I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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