this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
