I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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